MADAM MOSCOVITCH
In her little tent a Russian fortune teller
reads your character and reads it true
She can tell you all your past and present and the kids you’re
having in the future too
It’s all right-ski sitting in the dark-ski there
She’s so nice-ski what’ll happen you don’t
care
For a bob-ski she’ll
tell you, lots of things you never knew
Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen
If you drop-ski half a crown, then she’ll let the
curtain down
Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen
She talks in Russian when she reads your
hand
You can’t understand, you wonder what she
mean-ski
I f you pay a quid then she, will unfold her
mystery
And you’ll see much more than you did before of
the Russian gypsy queen.
Who gives you vodka strong, till your fortune all goes wrong
Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen
Who make-ski love-ski grand, it’s
as well she holds your hand
Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen
When Count Popinski popped in there one day,
he felt rather gay
But she said "Now you popout-ski." In her
little tent, a jolly sailor went
But he made a slip and he missed his ship thro’
the Russian gypsy queen
Yo ho heave ho, yo ho heave ho
Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen.
Mother you give good advice, always you mean
well.
Now I need it more than ever I'm inside this cell.
I'm behind a prison wall, the bed's so hard
and much too small
There's no pyjamas here at all, Oh Mother what'll I do now?
They told me they would treat me swell
tucked inside my little cell
But up to now it's been like h...! Mother what'll I do now?
We're parted from each other and that's too
bad.
You're my favourite Mother, Oh the best I ever had.
Tonight I've got a date you see but they
won't let me have a key
And the Warder's won't wait up for me, Oh! Mother what'll I do now?
It's hard to pass the time away, I'm in a
dangerous mood I say.
I've smoked two cigarettes today, Oh! Mother what'll I do now?
First I stand and then I sit, then I sit and
stand a bit
But I can't stand much more of it, Oh! Mother what'll I do now?
We're parted from each other and that's too
bad.
You're my favourite Mother, Oh the best I ever had.
I got such an awful shock, I asked the time
for there's no clock
And the Warder said six months "Old Cock Oh! Mother what'll I do now?
I ordered lunch from soup to sweet but they
forgot the fish and meat
And since the soup there's nowt to eat, Oh Mother what'll I do now?
I've had such a tummy ache. All night long
I've been awake.
Some castor oil they made me take, Oh! Mother what'll I do now?
We're parted from each other and that's too
bad.
You're my favourite Mother, Oh the best I ever had.
I’ve played Peter fly away Paul, I’ve
played tiddly winks and all
I’ve written rude words upon the wall, Oh! Mother
what'll I do now?
Mr. Wu no longer has a laundry. Sad to say
the business was flop.
He shouted 'what a hope' as he chewed a bar of soap
And then put up the shutters of the shop.
Said Mr. Wu, "What shall I do?"
and Mr. Wu's a window cleaner now.
The laundry, it didn't pay.
Now there's no clean collars down Limehouse Way.
When he goes out working, interest he
arouses
Polishing the windows with worn-out ladies blouses.
He wears a pair of Cami nicks to save his Sunday trousers
‘Cos Mr. Wu's a
window cleaner now.
Now little Chinese wifie each day is getting
madder,
Tearing her silk stockings, her husband makes her sadder.
All day long he wants to keep on running up the ladder
'Cos Mr. Wu's a window cleaner now.
He had his eyesight tested, a most important
matter.
Through a bathroom window, a lady he peeps at her
His eyesight’s getting better but his nose is
getting flatter
'Cos Mr. Wu's a window cleaner now.
Said Mr.Wu "What Shall I do?"
And Mr Wu's a window cleaner now.
The laundry it didn't pay. Now there's no clean collars down Limehouse Way.
Customers he's washed for now are in bad
humours.
They feel quite neglected and I've heard the rumours.
Lots of girls on winter nights go out without their garters.
'Cos Mr. Wu's a window cleaner now.
There's great excitement Limehouse way, Mr.
Wu has gone they say.
Packing his laundry bag he said "Bye ye".
To the R.A.F. he went with glee, he said
"Please you take-ee me".
Now he's flying way up in the sky.
He's in the Air Force is Mr. Wu, he's a
rootin’ tootin' shootin' pilot too.
His Coat of Arms are painted rather tricky,
It's two stiff collars and a shirt that's got no elbow.
He looks O.K. in his uniform as you have guessed.
He chases women all day long and gives 'em no rest,
But his wife says as a night fighter he's one of the best.
He's in the Air Force now is Mr. Wu.
His Limehouse business now is closed, that
had to lapse,
But still his laundry training, is handy, perhaps.
He used to stiffen collars, now he's stiff'ning the Japs.
He's in the Air Force now is Mr. Wu.
Our language so confuses him, he gets in a
mix
When ordered on parade one day, gosh what a fix.
Instead of wearing camouflage he wore cami-knicks,
'Cause he's in the Air Force now is Mr. Wu.
He's in the Air Force is Mr. Wu, he's a
rootin' tootin' shootin' pilot too.
His Coat of Arms is painted rather tricky,
It's two stiff collars and a shirt that's got no elbow.
He goes out with his lady friend, Sally May Wong.
They love to talk of aeroplanes, now don't get me wrong,
He's so keen on his work he takes his blueprints along.
'Cause he's in the Air Force now is Mr. Wu.
MR. WU IS NOW AN AIR RAID WARDEN
There's a Chinese laundry man, the famous
Mr. Wu
He's chucked his limehouse laundry shop and his window cleaning, too
He's got another job, and it’s one of the best
Now he's doing his bit for England like the rest.
And Mr. Wu is now an air raid warden, and
don’t he look cute in his new siren suit..
He goes round every night to make the black-out sure
So if you've got a chink in your window, you'll have another one at your door
His headquarters, it's plain, are down by lover's lane
And he goes there every evening anyhow
He'll flash his torch into the dark
And the girls all cover their laundry mark
'Cause Mr. Wu 's an Air Raid Warden now
One night while on his beat, a couple he did
meet
They were cuddling in the shelter anyhow.
He said "The all clear's gone, you see" and the chap said "Boy
you're telling me!"
'Cause Mr. Wu's an Air Raid Warden Now.
His cousin one way in, one day was helping
him
To move a time-bomb from their shop, I vow,
But it went off bang and there's no doubt, one way in flew one way out
And Mr. Wu's no Air Raid Warden now.
Oh Mr. Wu is now an Air Raid Warden, and
don't he look cute in his new siren suit.
He goes round every night to make the black-out sure
So if you've got a chink in your window, you'll have another one at your door.
A fire-bomb dropped one day, so close to him
they say
That he deserves a medal they all vow
But perhaps what you don't understand, he put the fire out but he didn't use
sand
'Cause Mr. Wu's an Air Raid Warden Now.
I'm never lonely any old time I like company
I do
I’ve got a pal he's quite a true pal, wherever I
go he goes too.
Were always good companions and never
disagree
We're very fond of one another, My Little Goat and Me.
Last night I met a French girl, she smiled and said "Wee, wee".
I said don't put rude questions please, to My Little Goat and Me.
We're just like brothers, each others
troubles we share
They call us "Silly Billy Goats" but we don t care.
While resting in the country, some birds up
in a tree
They didn't pay the least respect to My Little Goat and Me.
I never let him ramble alone, astray he has never done
The lead I must take out, people can't make out
Which end the goat is on.
The day that I got married, my bride was all
at sea
As down the aisle she followed after my Little Goat and Me.
At bedtime I said, Wifey, you sleep on our settee
In bed there's only room enough for My Little Goat and Me.
We're just like brothers, each others troubles we share
They call us "Silly Billy Goats" but we don t care.
Down on the farm a milkmaid as busy as can
be
This afternoon she milked three cows and My Little Goat and Me.
A boss-eyed man was shooting at a shooting gallery
He fired two shots and hit two bulls and My Little Goat and Me.
Some airmen up at Hendon, searched for a
flying flea
I said there's thousands if you look on My Little Goat and Me.
We're just like brothers, each others troubles we share
They call us "Silly Billy Goats" but we don t care.
Last night our housemaid shouted, ‘neath
my bed - I can see
Burglars, I said don't be daft, it's My Little Goat and Me.
MY LITTLE WOODEN TOOLSHED IN THE GARDEN
I get no chance to rest indoors to make me
fit for Monday
So planned a wooden toolshed for a quiet nook on Sunday.
I built it in the garden with a lovely southern view.
It's quite a stately edifice and very useful too.
It's really quite top hole for the firewood and the coal
Is my little wooden toolshed in the garden.
The dog can stretch his legs and the hen can
lay her eggs
In my little wooden toolshed in the garden.
When my wife starts an argument at which she’s
quite a knack
Begins to smash the home up and the crockery to crack
I tell her off quite safely for she cannot answer back
In my little wooden toolshed in the garden
One day I tried my voice, where they couldn't
hear the noise,
In my little wooden toolshed in the garden.
To croon was my intent, so to interview I went.
The manager down at the Winter Garden.
I said "I'm going to be a crooner at the palace soon",
But when he heard my voice he didn't seem to like the tune,
And said "while you are safe my lad you'd better go and croon
In your little wooden toolshed in the garden".
One day a book I made, and the favourite I
laid
In my little wooden toolshed in the garden.
Every punter round about thought he'd get some dope for nowt.
So they all came and they backed it in the garden.
The horse won in a canter but to pay I hadn't power
And so my punters found me when they called in half an hour
Like poor Sir Walter Raleigh locked up in
the bloody tower
In my little wooden toolshed in the garden.
When I was growing bigger, some plus fours I
had made.
I knew they'd suit my figure for the figure that I paid.
When I bought them I was skinned, as I walked home the folks all grinned.
For the three-bob sale price ticket was pinned on my plus fours.
I nursed a baby once for fun, gave him some
milk and when he'd done
The colour all began to run on my plus fours.
I've had them pressed I've had them turned
but no-one can tell
The front side is the backside and they're inside out as well.
The first night after I was wed, my bride
such nasty things she said
Cos I was shy and went to bed in my plus fours.
A spout I climbed my girl to see, I jumped
but a rusty nail caught me
And hanging from her balcony were my plus fours.
I rode a moke on Hampstead Heath, I was less
on top than underneath
I rode three miles with a donkey's teeth in my plus fours.
I've had them pressed I've had them turned
but no-one can tell,
The front side is the backside and they're inside out as well
Once in a hospital oh lor, they X-rayed me
and what is more
They were surprised at what they saw in my plus fours.
On a chair I sat with a girl so sweet, the
paint was wet then down the street
I ran like hell without a seat in my plus fours
My landlady has got good sense, to start the
week well she'll commence
Each Monday she gets eighteen pence on my plus fours
I've had them turned I've had them pressed
but no-one can tell
The front side is the backside and they're inside out as well.
In a field I slept just near some calves, a
farmer woke me through his laughs
With a milkmaid he was playing draughts on my plus fours.
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you
Than go to the pictures or the zoo
I'm very daft at dancing, at moonlight or romancing
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you.
I've never been one for billiards or darts
I m much too shy to play a game of hearts.
At dog tracks or the races I always lose my braces
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you.
Here I am, a funny sort of guy, I wouldn’t
dare to hold your hand
Let's begin, maybe I'll let you win, I hope that you understand
Sitting around a table for two, that's the
only thing I want to do
There's something cute about you, I couldn't do without you
Playing a simple game, tell me you feel the same
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you.
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you
Than take you to a French non-stop revue.
It may not be so funny, but still it saves me money.
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you.
I haven't the manly figure for sports,
I never think I look my best in shorts.
I lose my breath at biking and as for that mixed hiking
I'd rather play noughts and crosses with you.
One fine day, if luck should come my way,
we'll have a little kitchenette.
You and me, and when we've had our tea, I hope that you won't forget
.Playing at noughts and crosses with you
That's the only way that I can woo
Though now you're far above me, in time you'll learn to love me
Isn't it bold and bad - ee but I feel a lad.
Playing at noughts and crosses with you.