YOU CAN’T GO WRONG IN THESE
When your boyfriend calls on Sunday and you want to look
your best
Won’t you wear our woollen undies then you’ll know you’re properly
dressed.
You can’t go wrong in these, they fit from neck to knees.
They’re soft to wear but they’re hard to tear,
So you can’t go wrong in these
If want to have a figure that’s the envy of the town
Then you’ll find our stays "de rigueur" never let our customers
down.
Oh you can’t go wrong in these, they’re fastened up
with keys
They’ll keep you straight like a two inch plate
So you can’t go wrong in these.
If a girl is young and flighty and silk pyjamas now she
wears
Now a real old flannel nightie is as good as seventeen pairs.
He He, you can’t go wrong in these, they stop the coldest
breeze.
If you can’t sleep tight on a windy night.
Well you can’t go wrong in these.
If you want to buy a brassiere, won’t you have a look at
ours
Though the others may be classier and be covered all over with flowers.
Still you can’t go wrong in these, they’re not made to
please,
But they’ll see you through ‘cause they’ll stuck with glue
So you can’t go wrong in these.
Now a lot of you have aunties and when Christmas comes
along
You must never give ‘em panties (no) cause they like ‘em woolly and strong.
He He you can’t go wrong in these, they’ll fit without
a squeeze
They’ll go round your aunt or a gasworks plant
So you can’t go wrong on these.
If you like a mild flirtation and your sex appeal is dead
Have a look at your foundation and if it’s beginning to spread
Well you can’t go wrong in these, you won’t have room
to sneeze
But they’ll shift the fat from your bottom flat
So you can’t go wrong in these.
YOU CAN'T LOVE TWO GIRLS AT THE SAME TIME
I've got two girls right on my mind, I take them with me
everywhere about
Though those girls are lovely and fine, there’s a little thing that I've found
out.
Oh, you can’t love two girls at the same time
No you can't love two girls at once
If you think you can, you must be a superman
For if you share their passions one must go without her ration
For you can’t love two girls at the same time
If you do you're a twiIlop or a dunce
I took the girls out courting, we giggled and we chaffed
I squeezed one girl and kissed her, she went goo-goo and laughed
The other one sat fidgeting and looked at us so daft
Oh you can't love two girls at once.
While I was loving one girl, the other I'd to spurn
I didn't think about her, but I've a lot to learn
She tapped me on the shoulder, and said ‘‘what about my turn?"
Oh you can't love two girls at once.
Oh, you can’t love two girls at the same time
No you can't love two girls at once
If you think you can, you must be a superman
For if you share their passions one must go without her ration
For you can’t love two girls at the same time
If you do you're a twiIlop or a dunce
I took the girls out hiking, they simply love to hike
One girl then started tickling, she was a saucy tyke
The other one said "Now then Maggie, share and share alike."
Oh you can't love two girls at once.
No, you can’t love two girls at the same time
No you can't love two girls at once
If you think you can, you must be a superman
For if you share their passions one must go without her ration
Oh you can’t love two girls at the same time
If you do you're a twiIlop or a dunce
I said to them "Now, now girls, for me you mustn't curse."
They asked me for a penny ee, and then I feared the worst
But they started tossing, up to we which one would kiss me first
Oh you can't love two girls at once.
No sir, you can't love two girls at once.
YOU CAN’T KEEP A GROWING LAD DOWN
In a drapers I started work. Quite thought that I’d make
good.
When a girl came in for some hose I simply blushed to the tip of my nose.
She showed me her ankle the saucy young miss.
But I went one better, I asked for a kiss.
Because you can’t keep a growing lad down. Youth will have its fling.
I worked there a month, the money was poor.
But something seemed to tell me something better was in store.
I kept persevering at that drapers store in town.
I started in the basement it was dull I declare.
But worked my way up floor by floor and wouldn’t despair.
I soon go to the top ‘cause the girls sleep up there.
You can’t keep growing lad down.
One day some knock at our door. Our knocker knocked such
loud knocks.
I got scared all goosey I went through it’s the landlord called round for the
rent.
I peeped thought the blinds saw a flapper. Oh gee!
I said to the wife you can leave this to me.
Because you can’t keep a growing lad down youth will have
its fling.
She smiled and then said in a she sort of tone
"I’ve called to know what you can give towards the children’s
home."
I felt embarrassed, acted like a silly clown.
I said, "We haven’t any children not even one
We’re only new married, we have hardly begun.
But with the wife I’ll talk it over and see want can be done."
You can’t keep a growing lad down.
So sweet and lovely but what an affair, not even a kiss
since we met
You just won’t love but I don’t care, but I will get you yet.
You can stop me from kissing you, you can stop me from
cuddling too
You can say no no honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you tonight
‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming.
You can stop me from holding hands, make me listen to your
commands
You can say no no honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you tonight
‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming
From one o’ clock till nine I’ll dream you’re mine
I’ll steal a kiss, now look what you’re gonna miss.
You can stop me romancing you, you’re the boss now but I’m
not through.
You can turn me down honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you
tonight
‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming.
You can stop me from kissing you, you can stop me from
cuddling too
You can treat me mean honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you
tonight
‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming.
I want to get you cheek to cheek
Want to show you my new technique
You can say no, no honey that’s not right but I’ll have you on me own
tonight
‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming.
For each night in the park when it grows dark
I’ll dream we’re there with lots of love to spare.
And we’ll both sail on passions wings, you can’t stop
me from thinking things.
There are lots I’d teach you by hook or crook,
That you won’t find in a cookery book
‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming.
YOU DON’T NEED A LICENSE FOR THAT
If you’ve a pub or a small hotel, you need a license for
all you sell
You may think I’m romancing, but they even tax you for singing and dancing.
You need a license whatever you do, one or two things they’ve
exempted it’s true,
Lumbago, the gout or a touch of the flu, you don’t need a license for that.
Now I’ve got a license for chickens to lay, one of them
sat on a brick yesterday,
And then started clucking, as much as to say, he won’t need a license for
that.
We’d have a good time, a wines in the wood time, if it
were duty free.
We’d cut the taxes, with our battle-axes, then roll out the barrel for me.
Dairies must license you bet on your life,
If you’ve a cow then there’s trouble and strife
As Farmer Dean said when he looked at his wife,
"By gum I’ll not need a license for that!"
You need a license for shooting down game,
But I’d rather flirt with a beautiful dame,
Cause I get the sport with the birds just the same
And I don’t need a license for that
We sit in the pictures, as warm as a glove, in the back row
of the circle above,
Two bob’s worth of dark and a basin of love and I don’t need a license for
that.
We’d have a good time, a wines in the wood time, if it
were duty free.
We’d cut the taxes, with our battle-axes, then roll out the barrel for me.
Fishing at Richmond is licensed by law,
A chap to his girl said, "Now you hold your jaw".
You know exactly what I’m fishing for, and I don’t need a license for that.
No sir, I don’t need a license for that.
When you're on leave you like a bit of fluff
When you’re on leave you like a bit of stuff
When you’re on leave you never get enough
Cor, chase me round the barrack square.
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off, far better off
Far better off in a home
Our Annie's joined up a week come Saturday
Annie's joined up, the Army shouts hooray
She's a F.A.N.Y. cos she's fanny that way
So we chase her all round the barrack square.
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off, far better off
Far better off in a home
Mussolini has been a perfect ass
Like old Goering he's all puffed up with gas
Soon we'll kick him right up the Brenner Pass
Then we'll chase him all round the barrack square.
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off, far better off
Far better off in a home
There's a sergeant by the name of Moses
Getting fatter and everybody knows
It's a year now since the sergeant saw his toes
And he chases himself around the barrack square.
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off, far better off
Far better off in a home
When it's over the crowds will shout and bawl
When it's over back to civvies we will crawl
The Sergeant Major can stick his passes on the wall
Then chase himself around the barrack square.
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off in a home
You'd be far better off, far better off
Far better off in a home.
They’ve just put me in prison for what I cannot tell
But I can see O.K. I’ll be inside my little cell
When they said we’ll look after you, there’s a nice
soft bed and pyjamas too
I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
I order luncheon in my cell, when I want the waiter I ring
the bell
And I sing you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh
Those Doh! Ray! Me! Fah! Soh! notes I don’t know what
they mean
I can’t sing high or low notes, so I just sing in between.
The warder’s wife sees I’m all right when they locked
her in by mistake last night
I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
The hooter on my car won’t hoot and as I have nothing
else to toot
I sing you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
I broadcast once at half past ten and they thought was Bing
Crosby when
I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
Those Doh! Ray! Me! Fah! Soh! Notes I don’t know what
they mean
I can’t sing high or low notes, so I just sing in between
A sailor’s wife who lives near me, when her old man goes
away to sea
I sing you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
When in our carnival Miss Green was all dressed up as the
virgin queen
I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
I kissed a girl in a bargain store and when I got more than
I bargained for
I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
Those Doh! Ray! Me! Fah! Soh! Notes I don’t know what
they mean
I can’t sing high or low notes, so I just sing in between
Now at a wedding yesterday, when they said, "will you
give the bride away?"
I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh.
I sometimes sit and wonder just why I am able, to get the
lucky breaks I do.
I'm luckier than Roosevelt, or Nuffield or Gable, they’ve never been in love
with you
They may have lots of money and importance, I know I'd fail where they succeed,
But though my worldly goods are only - fourpence, what more do I need?
They can take away the chairs, the carpet from the stair and all that they can
see.
It won't mean anything, so long as I've got you, you're everything to me.
They can take away the slates, the number from the gate and
even take the key,
It won't mean anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me.
I can do without cigars and Rolls Royce motor cars and walk the way I've done
And although the weather's damp I can do without my gamp
When you re everything rolled into one.
I can give up all I bought, without a single thought, it's
not so hard you see.
It won't mean anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me.
I can do without my fags or the bottom to my bags, I'd even go T.T.
I don't need anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me.
I can get along with now’t - aye, and can even de without my Auntie Maggie's
Remedy
I don't need anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me.
I'd give up without a shock, my stick of Blackpool Rock
Although it gives me lots of fun.
I can do without my pipe or my weekly plate of tripe
For you're everything rolled into one.
I can do without my boots or without my swimming suit,
I'd undress in the sea, brrrrr
I don't need anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me.
You see - you're everything to me.
We all possess more or less and perhaps a bit to spare
No matter what it is you've got, You've Got Something There.
Big fat fourteen stone Miss Jones as she sat on a chair
She began to spread then a rude boy said, "You've Got Something There"
Eve tempted Adam with some fruit as she stood almost bare
He said "You've guessed what I like best, You've Got Something There"
Now don't forget when adding up your score
A little bit added to what you've got just makes that little bit more.
A village maid pushed home a pram her dad said with a stare
"A bassinette ye gods I'll bet, You've Got Something There".
Now don't forget when adding up your score
A little bit added to what you've got just makes that little bit more.
Once a girl said when I showed her my new underwear
"A splendid fit and I must admit, You've Got Something There".
A chorus girl went fishing and she hooked a millionaire
Her dad said, "Great, don't lose your bait, You've Got Something
There".
When Widow Brown got wed the parson made the bridegroom stare
He said, "My lad you're the fifth she's had, You've Got Something
There".
Now don't forget when adding up your score
A little bit added to what you've got just makes that little bit more.
Jock McGregor's very proud and when he takes the air
His kilt he swirls to show the girls he's got something there.
When you fall for someone sweet and give your heart away,
Every single time you meet, it’s window shopping day.
Diamond bracelets, coats of mink, the biggest car you’ve got,
You go crazy and you fell – you’d like to buy the lot, and
Zip Goes A Million, it’s a great sensation
Keeping cash in circulation
I’m not saving up like Tom or Dick or Hank
I’ve got no money wasting time in the bank.
Zip Goes A Million, gonna start a party
Dish the dollars like a clown
Easy come and easy go, don’t be dumb but spend all your dough
Zip Goes A Million and a million dollars
Percy Piggot’s in town.