CHINESE BLUES Now Mr. Wu was a laundry man in a shop with an old green door. He'll iron all day your linen away, he really makes me sore. He's lost his heart to a Chinese girl and his laundry's all gone wrong. All day he'll flirt, scorch your shirt, that's why I'm singing this song. Oh Mr. Wu, what shall I do, I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues. This funny feeling keeps round me stealing Oh won’t you throw your sweetheart over do. My vest's so short that it won't fit my little brother. And my new Sunday shirt has got a perforated rudder. Mr. Wu, what shall I do I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues. Now Mr. Wu, he's got a naughty eye that flickers. You ought to see it wobble when he's ironing ladies blouses. Mr. Wu, what shall I do, I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues. Now Mr. Wu, he's got a laundry kind of tricky, He'll starch my shirts and collars but he'll never touch my waistcoat.. Mr. Wu, what shall I do, I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues. COME HITHER WITH YOUR ZITHER Now I don't play a piana or a violin But when I play my zither all the people sing Come hither with your zither and play to me A melody in any key Come hither with your zither and play a tune And I will swoon into your arms It's a new sensation though it’s very old But my heart needs warming up because it's cold Come hither with your zither make my dreams come true And I will always be in love with you Now before I bought my zither (you know) no one cared for me But now I've got a girlfriend to sing this song to me Come hither with your zither and play for me A melody in any key Come hither with your zither and play a tune And I will swoon into your arms When I hear your zither I feel all aglow I don't know what you're thinking but I won't say no Come hither with your zither make my dreams come true And I will always be in love with you... When you play your zither my heart understands It reminds me of one night we had on Blackpool sands Come hither with your zither make my dreams come true And I will always be in love with you Back To Top Of Page COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND SMILE Though plans may often go wrong, let ‘em hear your voice, You’ll find that rhythm and song, make the world rejoice Make life go with a swing, laugh at trouble and sing, Tra-la-la-la-lala-lala, Count your blessing and smile. While you’re playing your part, keep a song in your heart, Tra-la-la-la-lala-lala, Count your blessing and smile. Sing low, sing high, isn’t it grand, beating the band. Who wants to die, oh what a happy land hi! Show them what you can do, make a hullabaloo Tra-la-la-la-lala-lala, Count your blessing and smile. You got to get together, swing it around Now get together, swing it around Make life go with a swing and a smile, Laugh at trouble and sing all the while Now count your blessings and smile While you’re playing your own little part You’ve gotta keep a song in your heart, Black puddings and tripe and trotters, Count your blessings and smile. Sing low, sing high, isn’t it grand beating the band, Who-oo-oo who wants to die, oh what a happy happy land. Show them what you can do, make a hullabaloo Oo oo oo – ha ha – ha – ha Count your blessings, one – two – three Count your blessings, four – five – six Count your blessings and smile Show then what you can do, make a hullabaloo Oo oo oo oo, ha ha, ha, ha Count your blessings and smile. Back To Top Of Page DAN THE DAIRYMAN I’m in the dairy business and well known everywhere I might go round and round my round but I’m always on the square Milk I serve to Mrs Fox, she’s deaf so after fourteen knocks I pour it through her letterbox. I’m Dan the dairyman Mrs Jones is very fat, she slipped on a butter pat And underneath her, laid out flat, was Dan the dairyman Early every morning, there's no more sleep I know It’s moo, moo, moo and a cock a doodle do When the rooster starts to crow Of late I’ve not seen Mrs Moore, today a nurse came to the door Instead of two pints she had four from Dan the dairy man Although the game is tricky I’ve never yet been caught I’ve learnt two gallons make three gills and six pints make a quart I serve a pub just round about, the barmaid's keen on me no doubt She fills my empties up with stout for Dan the dairyman When my eggs they start to crack it smells just like a gas attack And one by one they throw 'em back at Dan the dairyman Early every morning, there's no more sleep I know It’s moo, moo, moo and a cock a doodle do When the rooster starts to crow "Oh doctor," shouted one sweet pet can you cure me? I said" you bet' It's the finest chance that’s happened yet to Dan the dairyman When Mr Johnson homeward goes he gives two knocks quite hefty blows When it’s three knocks Mrs Johnson knows it’s Dan the dairy man "Who’s been here?" yelled Mrs Best the cook said, "Nobody, I confessed Cried the parrot "blimey can’t you guess it’s Dan the dairy man Early every morning, there's no more sleep I know It’s moo, moo, moo and a cock a doodle do When the rooster starts to crow They've just broadcast an S.O.S. Ten pretty girls are in distress They want to know the new address of Dan the dairyman Back To Top Of Page DARE DEVIL DICK You’ve heard of Dick Turpin and bold Robin Hood, I’m known as one of the click. A bit of gangster a terror to all, the lads call me Dare Devil Dick. I’m fond of a fight over fighting I gloat, I’m always the first to hold anyone’s coat. Dare Devil Dick up to every trick, Dare Devil Dick that’s me Only last week without saying a word I travelled first class when my ticket was third. I’m a demon, I’m devil may care, full of villainy. Full fare on me ticket they soon made me pay. But I got me own back the very next day. I bought two first class tickets and walked all the way. Dare Devil Dick that’s me. Dare Devil Dick up to every trick, Dare Devil Dick that’s me With a girl on a raft I was wrecked on the sea. I was in a short shirt, and she wore a chemise. "Hoist a single" soon she started to shout "And save us from the sea". I took off my shirt "They won’t see that" she raved So I grabbed her chemise on the mast it soon waved When she smiled I said "Gee I don’t want to be saved" Dare Devil Dick that’s me. Dare Devil Dick up to every trick, Dare Devil Dick that’s me For a picnic I went with my sweetie one day We romped in the fields and we sat in the hay It was lovely till she cried in alarm. "Why, there’s a bumble bee". "Oh be brave and find it", I shouted out "Where?" She said "Where I’m sitting it’s underneath there" I got stung on the hand, ah but I didn’t care Dare Devil Richard that’s me. Back To Top Of Page DELIVERING THE MORNING MILK In the streets just aft'er dawn when you can't hear a sound With my milkcart everymorn' I go upon my round I've seen a window open wide, when delivering the morning milk I've seen a girl asleep inside, when delivering the morning milk Her bedrooms small, there' s too much heat Her tootsies stick out in the street, I hang my milk cans on her feet When delivering the morning milk While dancing wives play fast and loose, I'm delivering the morning milk But I don't worry what's the use, when delivering the morning milk. Now one chap said "my wife I'll sock, She's not home yet and it' s twelve o' clock" I said "It's later than that old cock I'm delivering the morning milk" . . . . Girls out walking look sublime, when new frocks they've just bought But see them in the morning time, when they shout "leave a quart" I've heard snoring loud and deep, when delivering the morning milk I've seen girls walk in their sleep, when delivering the morning milk One girl as mad as mad could be, "deliver up my child" said she "deliver what?" I said "no not me, I'm delivering the morning milk" I've seen a lady in her bath, when delivering the morning milk I've seen a man creep up the path, when delivering the morning milk I heard him whisper "here's a rope, slip on something and let's elope" Then I saw the lady slip on the soap, as I was delivering the morning milk I've seen burglars on the job when delivering the morning milk An old maids bedroom they will rob, when delivering the morning milk All night the burglar mucks about, the spinster doesn't scream or shout And when she kicks the burglar out, I'm delivering the morning milk .... Back To Top Of Page DO DE O DO In modern music some clever guy has started a brand new craze A fellow must put Do De O Do into all he sings or plays Now some may think this foolish but I'm not one of those For I attach importance to those Do De O Do, Do De O Do's Now you can't be rich you're poor instead Without the Do De O, Do De O Do You can't make cakes and you can't make bread Without the Do De O, Do De O Do You need it in your music, as any child will know The La, Me, Fah, So, La's alright but what about the Do De O Do Now we take these champion boxers, there's a lot that we all know Who fall on the ground in the second round to get the Do De O De O De O Do To get the Do De O De O De O Do Now you can't be rich you're poor instead Without the Do De O, Do De O, Do You can't make cakes and you can't make bread Without the Do De O, Do De O, Do You even need it in your music, as any little child will know The La, Me, Fah, So, La's alright but what about the Do De O Do Now suppose your keeping rabbits, you've a buck well may be so How can he raise a family without the Do De O De O De O Do Without the Do De O De O De O Do Back To Top Of Page DOWN THE OLD COAL HOLE Georgie was a miner and one day it came to pass He met Nellie Murgatroyd a gradely sort of lass He did some extra night work just to earn a bit of brass He went working down the old coal hole Give me my shovel and my pic Nellie, I'm going down the hole to get the coal, With my shovel and my pick my lamp and little bit of wick I'm going down the old coal hole Down the hole, down the hole, I'm going down the hole to get the coal With my meat and gravy canned my little bundle in my hand I'm going down the old coal hole Sitting on the sofa Georgie said "I’ve lost my heart" I don't know much about love but I'll kiss you for a start" He mucked about for half an hour then said "I must depart And go working down the old coal hole" Little Nellie' s father came and upset all the fun Little Nellie' s father had a double barrelled gun Georgie said "excuse me, but it's time for me to run And go working down the old coal hole" When he cuddled Nellie he was often black as ink And when they did her washing at the laundry they would wink And murmur "by the look of 'em well anyone had think She'd been working down the old coal hole" Nellie's mother said "I somehow, rather fancy you. Fill the loving cup and drink to sparkling eyes of blue" He said "I'll fill your loving cup and I'll fill your scuttle too 'Cos I'm working down the old coal hole One day little Nellie she looked worried, it was plain, She met him at the pit'head with a bundle in the rain, He just took one look at it, then he staggered back again And he tumbled down the old coal hole Give me my shovel and my pic Nellie, I'm going down the hole to get the coal, With my shovel and my pick my lamp and little bit of wick I'm going down the old coal hole Down the hole for the coal, down the hole, I'm going down the hole to get the coal With my meat and gravy canned my little bundle in my hand I'm going down the old coal hole Back To Top Of Page DOES YOUR DREAMBOOK TELL YOU THAT Patter between George and Beryl B - Hello George G - Hello Beryl B - You look tired, what's the reason? G - You're the reason B - Why? G - Do you know I can't sleep at night for dreaming about you B - Oh, do you dream about me terribly George? G - Oh horribly B - That's funny, I've been dreaming such a lot but awful dreams I've had G - You've been sleeping on both sides at once, for a young girl that sounds bad. B - A dream book I've bought and it's useful too G - Well tell me some things that the book tells you I dreamt you stayed out all the night till dawn, at someone else's flat Now where did I leave my new pyjama suit Does your dream book tell you that? My dream book tells me that I'm going to wed, a wealthy aristocrat And will you stitch the patches on his countryseat Does your dream book tell you Someday I may prove that dreams come true Some night you might have a nightmare if you do When winter comes I’m going to place my feet on the part where you’re most fat I always turn that part towards the wall Does your dream book tell you that? I dreamt I visited a far off land in a lovely big sea yacht But where would you go to if the boiler bust Does your dream book tell you that? My brother’s going to pay for my new dress, going to pay for my new hat Is he going to pay me back the quid he owes? Does your dream book tell you that? Someday I may prove that dreams come true Some night you might have a nightmare if you do I’m going with the captain to the free Art Ball yes I know what I’m at And you're going with a bundle to the three brass balls Does your dream book tell you that? My grandad bought himself a new sports car it can do a hundred flat But what will happen if the brakes don't work Does your dream book tell you that? I dreamt you visited a nudist camp didn't even wear your hat And I promised all the girls I’d go again next week Does your dream book tell you that? Some day I may prove that dreams come true Some night you might have a nightmare if you do My sister’s got a lovely bouncing boy, so chubby and so fat But who is the father of the blinking kid Does your dream book tell you that? Back To Top Of Page