EASY GOING CHAP Once I thought I would go in for flying and so A chap took me up in his plane Thought some stunts he would try, loop the loop in the sky We turned over and over again. It’s a good job I’m an easy going chap Take things as they come He quite thought the stunts were cute But my nerves they didn’t suit I cried I'm jumping out and grabbed hold of the parachute Then he shouted "That won’t open it’s no good" I said "Well I don’t care a rap If it’s broken and not sound I’ll get quickly to the ground It’s a good job I’m an easy going chap It occurred once to me that a nudist I’d be, So the camp one day I took by storm As I strolled about there, all the girls I declare, Passed remarks about my manly form. It’s a good job I’m an easy going chap Take things as they come They said he’s so thin and tall Through a crack he’d almost crawl. If you’re looking at him sideways Then you can’t see him at all He’s so skinny like a skeleton he looks And of fat he hasn’t a scrap I said though I've not a lot Still I’m proud of what I’ve got It’s a good job I’m an easy going chap One night I rang the bell at a country hotel And someone came down in the gloom. We’re all full up they said but we’ll fix up a bed If you’re willing to share baby’s room It’s a good job I’m an easy going chap Take things as they come I said fix me anywhere Baby’s room I’ll gladly share As soon as I commenced undressing I got such a scare In the doorway such a lovely girl appeared I was just putting on my nightcap "Goodness who are you?" I cried I’m the baby she replied It’s a good job I’m an easy going chap. Back To Top Of Page FANLIGHT FANNY Up the West End, that's the best end, where the night clubs thrive Down into a dive you go. There's a jazz queen, she's a has-been, has been Lord knows what Every night she's there on show. She dances underneath a magic spell She's full of charm and beer and stout as well. She's 66 but looks sixteen, Her friends don't know her now her face is clean Fanlight Fanny the frowsy night club queen. See her glide around the floor, then glide around into the pub next door. Fanlight Fanny the frowsy night club queen. She looks well in the lime, a queen all the time, you get your money's worth. By day you'll say "It's her second time on earth". She waltzes in the West End shops, then waltzes out in between two cops. Fanlight Fanny the frowsy night club queen. She's a peach but understand She's called a peach because she's always canned. Fanlight Fanny the frowsy night club queen. When she's dressed she's like May West, She wears two saucepan lids upon her chest. Fanlight Fanny the frowsy night club queen. She looks well in the lime, a queen all the time, you get your money's worth. By day you'll say "It's her second time on earth". Every morning at the break of day, They call for the empties and they cart away Fanlight Fanny the frowsy night club queen. Extra verse (as sung in film.) By tecs she's collared and when she's collared by judge she always cheats, Twice a month two weeks she'll do. She's often boasted she's been toasted, toasted by her friends. She ought to be cremated too. You can't tell if she's brunette or a blonde, She's like something you drag out of a pond. Back To Top Of Page FIVE AND TWENTY YEARS Now there's always alterations, though some are for our good I'll bet there's lots of things we'd like to alter if we could But what's the use of looking glum, there's still a lot more years to come. Says the old maid every evening as beneath her bed she peers Once more darned unlucky after five and twenty years Last night Grandma kissed Grandpa, whispered love words in his ears Said Grandpa "Blimey, nark it after five and twenty years Time brings changes, though you re in your prime Everybody changes with time. At the well one night Rebecca met a young man with ideas That night she cracked her pitcher after five and twenty years. An actress felt her right age in the papers it appears She's been twenty seven now for five and twenty years. An old man joined the nudists and he said last night, "My dears I haven't felt like I feel now for five and twenty years." Time brings changes, though you re in your prime Everybody changes with time. Said Mrs. Brown, the widow, "If someone volunteers I'll take anything in trousers after five and twenty years. Jones never took his wife out till the boiler burst, poor dears Then they both went out together after five and twenty years. To King Sol-o-mon one evening said his favourite wife in tears, "Must you still sleep with your father after five and twenty years." Time brings changes, though you re in your prime Everybody changes with time. Our village birthrate's falling and no wonder we have fears The squire's son has been away for five and twenty years. Back To Top Of Page FRANK ON HIS TANK Our Frank has joined the tank corps and means to do his bit, He’s wide awake and no mistake, he’s absolutely it. Oh he does look a swank, does Frank on his tank He does look a swank does Frank See him dashing along with a clickerty clickerty clank He hasn’t done much fighting yet, quite new are his togs He’s only knocked down policemen and run over fourteen dogs But he does look a swank, does Frank on his tank He does look a swank does Frank without his hat on He does look a swank does Frank. He dashed through a laundry and came out bang in form With a pair of ladies ‘what’s a name’ he kept the engine warm. Ee! He did look a swank, did Frank on his tank He did look a swank did Frank – He made a bloomer He did look a swank did Frank. He does look a swank does Frank without his hat on He does look a swank does Frank. See him dashing along with a clickerty clickerty clank One night with a girl, for hours, inside he sat, It’s the first time that he’s used his tank for anything like that But he did look a swank with his girl in the tank He did look a swank did Frank, he popped the question He did look a swank did Frank Oh he does look a swank does Frank on his tank He does look a swank does Frank. See him dashing along with a clickerty clickerty clank Outside the Royal Palace once he caused such a scene The King of course saluted him then whispered to the Queen Ee! He does look a swank, does Frank on his tank He does look a swank does Frank, give him a medal He does look a swank does Frank. Back To Top Of Page FRIGID AIR FANNY A foreign dame to England came, for months she’d been afloat Travelling first class, that’s the worst class, on a cattle boat See her with a gay rag wrapped around her hay bag, waggling her tambourine That’s Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine At the cabaret show, rotten apples they throw, shouting "Keep the party clean" To Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine Now don’t tell her she’s frozen mutton, for if you do Soon you’ll get the frozen mitt and the cold shoulder too You can recognise her, there’s nothing to disguise her, Except a bit of crepe de chine That’s Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine Now since a child, out in the wild, that’s where she used to dwell, In the land where beef gets canned there, she gets canned as well Sitting on an ice box, melting all the ice blocks, She's the hottest thing you've seen That’s Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine When she does the Rumba, Policemen take her number And firemen dash on the scene To Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine Now don’t tell her she’s frozen mutton, for if you do You will get the frozen mitt and the cold shoulder too Her teeth are not a grand set, she bought a second hand set, And stuck’ Em in with secotine That’s Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine Now don’t tell her she’s frozen mutton, for if you do Soon you'll get the frozen mitt and the cold shoulder too People call her two-faced, tying up her shoelace You can see the face they mean On Frigid Air Fanny the flame from the Argentine Back To Top Of Page FAR BETTER OFF IN A HOME When you’re on leave you like a bit of fluff, when you’re on leave you like a bit of stuff When you’re on leave you never get enough, go chase me round the barrack square. You’d be far better off in a home, you’d be far better off in a home You’d be far better off, far better off, far better off in a home Our Annie’s joined up a week come Saturday Annie’s joined up, the Army shouts hooray, She’s a F.A.N.Y ‘cos she’s fanny that way So we chased her all around the barrack square. But she’s be far better off in a home, she’s be far better off in a home She’d be far better off, far better off, far better off in a home. Mussolini has been a perfect ass, Like old Goering he’s all puffed up with gas Soon we’ll kick him right up the Brenner Pass Then we’ll chase him all round the barrack square Causes he’d be far better off in a home, he’d be far better off in a home He’d be far better off, far better off, far better off in a home. There’s a sergeant by the name of Moses Getting fatter and everybody knows It’s a year now since the sergeant saw his toes And he chases himself around the barrack square He’d be far better off in a home, he’d be far better off in a home He’d be far better off, far better off, far better off in a home When it’s over the crowds will shout and bawl When it’s over back to civvies we will crawl The Sergeant Major can stick his passes on the wall Then chase himself around the barrack square Cos you’ll be far better off in a home, you’ll be far better off in a home You’ll be far better off, far better off, far better off in a home Back To Top Of Page