YOU CAN’T GO WRONG IN THESE When your boyfriend calls on Sunday and you want to look your best Won’t you wear our woollen undies then you’ll know you’re properly dressed. You can’t go wrong in these, they fit from neck to knees. They’re soft to wear but they’re hard to tear, So you can’t go wrong in these If want to have a figure that’s the envy of the town Then you’ll find our stays "de rigueur" never let our customers down. Oh you can’t go wrong in these, they’re fastened up with keys They’ll keep you straight like a two inch plate So you can’t go wrong in these. If a girl is young and flighty and silk pyjamas now she wears Now a real old flannel nightie is as good as seventeen pairs. He He, you can’t go wrong in these, they stop the coldest breeze. If you can’t sleep tight on a windy night. Well you can’t go wrong in these. If you want to buy a brassiere, won’t you have a look at ours Though the others may be classier and be covered all over with flowers. Still you can’t go wrong in these, they’re not made to please, But they’ll see you through ‘cause they’ll stuck with glue So you can’t go wrong in these. Now a lot of you have aunties and when Christmas comes along You must never give ‘em panties (no) cause they like ‘em woolly and strong. He He you can’t go wrong in these, they’ll fit without a squeeze They’ll go round your aunt or a gasworks plant So you can’t go wrong on these. If you like a mild flirtation and your sex appeal is dead Have a look at your foundation and if it’s beginning to spread Well you can’t go wrong in these, you won’t have room to sneeze But they’ll shift the fat from your bottom flat So you can’t go wrong in these. Back To Top Of Page YOU CAN'T LOVE TWO GIRLS AT THE SAME TIME I've got two girls right on my mind, I take them with me everywhere about Though those girls are lovely and fine, there’s a little thing that I've found out. Oh, you can’t love two girls at the same time No you can't love two girls at once If you think you can, you must be a superman For if you share their passions one must go without her ration For you can’t love two girls at the same time If you do you're a twiIlop or a dunce I took the girls out courting, we giggled and we chaffed I squeezed one girl and kissed her, she went goo-goo and laughed The other one sat fidgeting and looked at us so daft Oh you can't love two girls at once. While I was loving one girl, the other I'd to spurn I didn't think about her, but I've a lot to learn She tapped me on the shoulder, and said ‘‘what about my turn?" Oh you can't love two girls at once. Oh, you can’t love two girls at the same time No you can't love two girls at once If you think you can, you must be a superman For if you share their passions one must go without her ration For you can’t love two girls at the same time If you do you're a twiIlop or a dunce I took the girls out hiking, they simply love to hike One girl then started tickling, she was a saucy tyke The other one said "Now then Maggie, share and share alike." Oh you can't love two girls at once. No, you can’t love two girls at the same time No you can't love two girls at once If you think you can, you must be a superman For if you share their passions one must go without her ration Oh you can’t love two girls at the same time If you do you're a twiIlop or a dunce I said to them "Now, now girls, for me you mustn't curse." They asked me for a penny ee, and then I feared the worst But they started tossing up to see which one would kiss me first Oh you can't love two girls at once. No sir, you can't love two girls at once. Back To Top Of Page YOU CAN’T KEEP A GROWING LAD DOWN In a drapers I started work. I thought that I’d make good. When a girl came in for some hose I simply blushed t o the tip of my nose. She showed me her ankles the saucy young miss. But I went one better, I asked for a kiss. Because you can’t keep a growing lad down, youth will have its fling. I worked there a month, the money was poor. But something seemed to tell me something better was in store. I kept persevering at that drapers store in town. I started in the basement, it was dull I declare. But worked my way up floor by floor and wouldn’t despair. I soon got to the top ‘cause the girls sleep up there. You can’t keep growing lad down. One day someone knocked at our door, our knocker knocked such loud knocks. I got scared all goosey I went, thought it’s the landlord called round for the rent. I peeped thought the blinds, saw a flapper, Oh gee! I said to the wife you can leave this to me. Because you can’t keep a growing lad down, youth will have its fling. She smiled and then said in a shy sort of tone "I’ve called to know what you can give towards the children’s home." I felt embarrassed, acted like a silly clown. I said, "We haven’t any children not even one We’re only new married, we have hardly begun. But with the wife I’ll talk it over and see what can be done." You can’t keep a growing lad down. Back To Top Of Page YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM DREAMING So sweet and lovely but what an affair, not even a kiss since we met You just won’t love but I don’t care, but I will get you yet. You can stop me from kissing you, you can stop me from cuddling too You can say no no honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you tonight ‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming. You can stop me from holding hands, make me listen to your commands You can say no no honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you tonight ‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming From one o’ clock till nine I’ll dream you’re mine I’ll steal a kiss, now look what you’re gonna miss. You can stop me romancing you, you’re the boss now but I’m not through. You can turn me down honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you tonight ‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming. You can stop me from kissing you, you can stop me from cuddling too You can treat me mean honey that’s all right, but I’ll get even with you tonight ‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming. I want to get you cheek to cheek Want to show you my new technique You can say no, no honey that’s not right but I’ll have you on me own tonight ‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming. For each night in the park when it grows dark I’ll dream we’re there with lots of love to spare. And we’ll both sail on passions wings, you can’t stop me from thinking things. There are lots I’d teach you by hook or crook, That you won’t find in a cookery book ‘Cause you can’t stop me from dreaming. Back To Top Of Page YOU DON’T NEED A LICENSE FOR THAT If you’ve a pub or a small hotel, you need a license for all you sell You may think I’m romancing, but they even tax you for singing and dancing. You need a license whatever you do, one or two things they’ve exempted it’s true, Lumbago, the gout or a touch of the flu, you don’t need a license for that. Now I’ve got a license for chickens to lay, one of them sat on a brick yesterday, And then started clucking, as much as to say, he won’t need a license for that. We’d have a good time, a wines in the wood time, if it were duty free. We’d cut the taxes, with our battle-axes, then roll out the barrel for me. Dairies must license you bet on your life, If you’ve a cow then there’s trouble and strife As Farmer Dean said when he looked at his wife, "By gum I’ll not need a license for that!" You need a license for shooting down game, But I’d rather flirt with a beautiful dame, Cause I get the sport with the birds just the same And I don’t need a license for that We sit in the pictures, as warm as a glove, in the back row of the circle above, Two bob’s worth of dark and a basin of love and I don’t need a license for that. We’d have a good time, a wines in the wood time, if it were duty free. We’d cut the taxes, with our battle-axes, then roll out the barrel for me. Fishing at Richmond is licensed by law, A chap to his girl said, "Now you hold your jaw". You know exactly what I’m fishing for, and I don’t need a license for that. No sir, I don’t need a license for that. Back To Top Of Page FAR BETTER OFF IN A HOME When you're on leave you like a bit of fluff When you’re on leave you like a bit of stuff When you’re on leave you never get enough Cor, chase me round the barrack square. You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off, far better off Far better off in a home Our Annie's joined up a week come Saturday Annie's joined up, the Army shouts hooray She's a F.A.N.Y. cos she's fanny that way So we chase her all round the barrack square. You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off, far better off Far better off in a home Mussolini has been a perfect ass Like old Goering he's all puffed up with gas Soon we'll kick him right up the Brenner Pass Then we'll chase him all round the barrack square. You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off, far better off Far better off in a home There's a sergeant by the name of Moses Getting fatter and everybody knows It's a year now since the sergeant saw his toes And he chases himself around the barrack square. You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off, far better off Far better off in a home When it's over the crowds will shout and bawl When it's over back to civvies we will crawl The Sergeant Major can stick his passes on the wall Then chase himself around the barrack square. You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off in a home You'd be far better off, far better off Far better off in a home. Back To Top Of Page YOU’RE A LAITY They’ve just put me in prison for what I cannot tell But I can see O.K. I’ll be inside my little cell When they said we’ll look after you, there’s a nice soft bed and pyjamas too I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. I order luncheon in my cell, when I want the waiter I ring the bell And I sing you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh Those Doh! Ray! Me! Fah! Soh! notes I don’t know what they mean I can’t sing high or low notes, so I just sing in between. The warder’s wife sees I’m all right when they locked her in by mistake last night I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. The hooter on my car won’t hoot and as I have nothing else to toot I sing you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. I broadcast once at half past ten and they thought was Bing Crosby when I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. Those Doh! Ray! Me! Fah! Soh! Notes I don’t know what they mean I can’t sing high or low notes, so I just sing in between A sailor’s wife who lives near me, when her old man goes away to sea I sing you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. When in our carnival Miss Green was all dressed up as the virgin queen I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. I kissed a girl in a bargain store and when I got more than I bargained for I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. Those Doh! Ray! Me! Fah! Soh! Notes I don’t know what they mean I can’t sing high or low notes, so I just sing in between Now at a wedding yesterday, when they said, "will you give the bride away?" I sang you’re a laity, you’re a laity, laity eh. Back To Top Of Page YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ME I sometimes sit and wonder just why I am able, to get the lucky breaks I do. I'm luckier than Roosevelt, or Nuffield or Gable, they’ve never been in love with you They may have lots of money and importance, I know I'd fail where they succeed, But though my worldly goods are only - fourpence, what more do I need? They can take away the chairs, the carpet from the stair and all that they can see. It won't mean anything, so long as I've got you, you're everything to me. They can take away the slates, the number from the gate and even take the key, It won't mean anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me. I can do without cigars and Rolls Royce motor cars and walk the way I've done And although the weather's damp I can do without my gamp When you re everything rolled into one. I can give up all I bought, without a single thought, it's not so hard you see. It won't mean anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me. I can do without my fags or the bottom to my bags, I'd even go T.T. I don't need anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me. I can get along with now’t - aye, and can even de without my Auntie Maggie's Remedy I don't need anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me. I'd give up without a shock, my stick of Blackpool Rock Although it gives me lots of fun. I can do without my pipe or my weekly plate of tripe For you're everything rolled into one. I can do without my boots or without my swimming suit, I'd undress in the sea, brrrrr I don't need anything so long as I've got you, you're everything to me. You see - you're everything to me. Back To Top Of Page YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING THERE We all possess more or less and perhaps a bit to spare No matter what it is you've got, You've Got Something There. Big fat fourteen stone Miss Jones as she sat on a chair She began to spread then a rude boy said, "You've Got Something There" Eve tempted Adam with some fruit as she stood almost bare He said "You've guessed what I like best, You've Got Something There" Now don't forget when adding up your score A little bit added to what you've got just makes that little bit more. A village maid pushed home a pram her dad said with a stare "A bassinette ye gods I'll bet, You've Got Something There". Now don't forget when adding up your score A little bit added to what you've got just makes that little bit more. Once a girl said when I showed her my new underwear "A splendid fit and I must admit, You've Got Something There". A chorus girl went fishing and she hooked a millionaire Her dad said, "Great, don't lose your bait, You've Got Something There". When Widow Brown got wed the parson made the bridegroom stare He said, "My lad you're the fifth she's had, You've Got Something There". Now don't forget when adding up your score A little bit added to what you've got just makes that little bit more. Jock McGregor's very proud and when he takes the air His kilt he swirls to show the girls he's got something there. Back To Top Of Page ZIP GOES A MILLION When you fall for someone sweet and give your heart away, Every single time you meet, it’s window shopping day. Diamond bracelets, coats of mink, the biggest car you’ve got, You go crazy and you fell – you’d like to buy the lot, and Zip Goes A Million, it’s a great sensation Keeping cash in circulation I’m not saving up like Tom or Dick or Hank I’ve got no money wasting time in the bank. Zip Goes A Million, gonna start a party Dish the dollars like a clown Easy come and easy go, don’t be dumb but spend all your dough Zip Goes A Million and a million dollars Percy Piggot’s in town. Back To Top Of Page